INTERLUDIUM: Just me myself and I

In between, a state of affairs regarding my emotions during my quest.

The last programming sessions were tough. Full of problems and no solutions in sight. And then there are moments of loneliness. Loneliness because you do not immediately have someone in the area to discuss with. A discussion that you have with yourself because the people in your neighborhood do not understand what you stand for. And of course out of a certain pride you do not want to immediately inform social media about the problem. Especially because you doubt yourself for lack of knowledge.

It is deep water that you have to pass through. In my case, I am now in a certain career, where stability reigns. An exemplary function even. If I want, I can perform the same job until my retirement. With complete job security and security of income and standing.

And yet I am fighting for a new career, full of insecurities, problems and new things. It will certainly not be easier for me as an entrepreneur in a crowded market. A technological world where everything is constantly changing and where you never graduated. A world I don't really understand much about yet. And will I ever understand? Questions that have no answers are the deadly questions.

Sometimes it happens to me! But why? I've got everything. Why am I fighting for this possible abyss?

At times like that I sometimes fall into loneliness. I feel like Don Quichote, fighting against windmills. Fighting demons that no one else can see but yourself.

But what am I doing it for? Freedom!

Freedom to work where, when and how I want. Now I go to the office every day. I spend more hours with colleagues than with my own family. I have given more than half of my life to an employer and a society. Now I want the time left to enjoy life with the people I love. I don't want to wait until I'm 70.

Give my creativity the freedom, like a child makes a super beautiful drawing that we do not understand. No need to get approval for an idea or realization. Reclaim the freedom of creation from society and adults.

If I can do this, my entire business will take place, under my arm, in a laptop. Yes indeed. I don't have a desk at home with screens, a super mouse and a keyboard like a UFO. But only a laptop. I do have a super mouse pad that I take everywhere, that was a gift from two friends, Max and Mathab from Flutter Explained, people who support me in my quest from day 1.

Today I am programming under a tree in the shade, tomorrow with my old mother, together at the window of the institution. The day after tomorrow in my car on the coast, inspired by the storm at sea. And next week in front of my tent, at a campsite in the south of France or on a terrace under the Eiffel Tower in Paris.

I fight for that, I work hard every day. To enjoy life in physical and financial freedom with my wife.

A choice that I made as a child in complete freedom, without influence from anyone else. And if I fall today, tomorrow I will get up with a sore knee, but learned a wise lesson.

Furthermore, I am lucky to have a wife who supports me blindly in all facets of the quest. A smile, a pat on the back and a shoulder to cry on. Thank you Nicky!

If you are also in this situation, you will see that you are not alone. And if you need a push don't be afraid to ask for help. Or write something in the comments, I will certainly contact you to give some encouragement.

Don't give up, go for your freedom.

Do, believe and be happy

Stefaan & Nicky